


Meanwhile, as an Angel and Demon take a Bus…

by AughtPunk



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley is a Little Shit, Crowley uses snake stickers, Gen, LIKE ALL THE TIME, No one likes Crowley, Originally Posted on Tumblr, The demons are very bored in hell, This was my first thought when I saw the court scene, cause old book fan here, so it's like yay time for their happy ending wait what WHAT, that shit is not in the book, that's not true my first thought was WHAT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 11:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19945675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AughtPunk/pseuds/AughtPunk
Summary: Beelzebub and the demons prepare for the (mock) trial of the century(aka, wait, if Adam fixed everything...)





	Meanwhile, as an Angel and Demon take a Bus…

“Lizzzzzzzten up! We haven’t had a proper trial in millenniums so I’m not going to let you bellends screw this for me.”

Beelzebub drew a lopsided square on Hell’s whiteboard (which always had that weird didn’t-come-off-ghosting of marker on it) and drew a circle near the top. “See here? That’s where my throne’s going to be. According to my research that spot has the best dramatic lighting in Hell. Following?”

They glanced over and the mulling crowd of demons who under no certain terms was following. Sometimes Beelzebub wondered if they were the only one with half a brain that fell. Maybe everyone else’s minds got crispy on the way down. “Right. So while I’m sentencing that snake bastard he’s going to be here,” they marked an X on the board, “and I’m going to need two of you assholes to flank him. Probably whoever signs up to help escort him here.”

That got a deep chuckle from the crowd. There wasn’t a demon in all of Hell that didn’t volunteer for being Crowley’s escort. Well, not Satan, but he was off moping about his bizarre possible non-existence and terrible relationship with his not-son-anymore. If one were to twist Beelzebub’s arm (assuming they wouldn’t kill you immediately for touching them) they would admit it is kind of nice to not have the Big Boss breathing down their neck for once. Still not worth the double-insult of having the End of the World stop *and* knowing Gabe now has their private mobile number.

“Now here,” Beelzebub said as they drew a shockingly well-drawn oval under the X, “is where the tub is going to appear. Nice big claw footed one. And before any of you come crying to me about eternal nothingness keep your britches on, there’s going to be a wall and big window so none of you get touched. After I say the charges Michael’s gonna come in, fill up the tub, and–after one nice big nasty splash–no more snake! Then after everything’s mopped up we’ll go up to his apartment and trash the place. But not the throne! I’m keeping that for myself. Any questions?”

There was a soft mummer from the crowd but no more than that. Usually meetings in Hell involved nothing but questions. It was why most of them were down there after all. But every damned soul in the place had made up their minds about Crowley even before the betrayal. No, there were no fuzzy grey spots here.

“Good. Hastur, I need you to scout that damned park they always meet at and figure out where they’re going to meet up. Dagon, you go down to the armory and get the special brass knuckles. We want to make sure we get this bastard down in one shot. Ligur, I want you to–”

Beelzebub froze as their multifaceted eyes landed on the demon they were having the whole trial for. “Ligur, why the bleeding Hell are YOU alive?”

“Dunno.” Ligur said with a shrug. “I wasn’t, then suddenly I was. Not sure what happened there.”

(The answer, of course, was that Adam happened. When a boy with unlimited power says he’s going to put back everything the way it was he meant it. Something silly like ‘this demon no longer exists on any physical or spiritual plane’ was barely a hiccup in the fixing process. Adam honestly had a harder time trying to wiggle reality enough to get all of Aziraphale’s books back.)

“Huh.” Beelzebub leaned back against the whiteboard. “Didn’t plan for that.”

“Can we still have the trial?” Ligur asked, “he did melt me for a bit there.”

“But you’re back now,” Said Dagon, “no point in punishing him for your murder now.”

“What about rebelling against the end and all of that? Could we still nail him there?” Hastur asked hopefully.

Beelzebub made a face. “Bit of calling the kettle black there, isn’t it?”

For the first time since before the fall silence covered Hell. The crowd of demons shifted awkwardly as only those damned for all eternity could. There was a lot of accidental eye contact, bumping into each other, and a near endless mutter about what the weather would be like tomorrow. Beelzebub threw up their hands and sighed.

“Fuck it! We’ll still have the trial! Ligur, go hide in a closet somewhere while he receives his judgement.”

“Aww.”

“Oh don’t make that face, we’ll fetch you before he gets dunked.” Beelzebub said, oddly enough telling the truth. A demon couldn’t lie all of the time or else they’d be too damn predictable. One had to mix things up sometimes. With a wave of their hand Beelzebub dismissed the lot of them and even chose to ignore the fact some of the demons looked happy to see Ligur alive.

Once the meeting room was cleared out Beelzebub wiped the whiteboard with their sleeve only to see that the marker lines had remained. They frowned and rubbed it harder. Nothing. Dread filled the pit of their stomach as they looked down at the marker in their hand.

It was, in fact, a permanent marker. Not only that but someone had placed a hologram snake sticker on the side. That certainly cleared up the suspect list. Beelzebub pressed their forehead against the whiteboard and let out a deep groan.

“ _Fucking hell_ I hate that guy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to the five people who have read this despite being a Gen with no ships!


End file.
